8 Drizzanks to Toast MLK With This Monday

holiday, humor, listicles

Y’all nibbas looking to celebrate the patron saint of ingratitude this MLK Day, but not quite sure which adult beverage to toss down your gullet? Let our guide below steer you in the right direction, so you can properly pay tribute to America’s favorite Commie coon!


1. Alize

The next stop for any Boone’s Farm graduate

Thoroughly Ungratified since it first emerged on my radar via rap song in the 90s, I’ve never actually sampled this spirit. My guess is it tastes like sugar and missed child support payments.


2. Gin & Juice

Pairs well with endo and rollin’ down the street

If your mind is on your money, and your money on your mind, try this frugal alcoholic option.


3. Mad Dog 20/20

Pic unrelated to General Mattis’ presidential run

More multi-colored than any Black Lives Matter protest so far, this staple fixture of the Wakandan-American diet has a flavor for everyone. We at BuzzFash suggest Bling Bling Blue Raspberry, hands down.


4. Courvoisier (& Coke!)

Whoa there, boy, save room for the cola!

Not easy to spell, pronounce, or afford, Courvoisier makes the Top 5 status symbols for being nibber-rich.


5. Hennessy

Another cog-nack appropriated by nibberdom

Forgot how to pronounce Courvoisier again? Try this substitute!


6. Cristal

Doubly bubbly if left in the trunk of your baby mama’s car on a hot day

Yet another status symbol of the Ungrateful-Rich, this champagne will knock you on your ass AND take all the money in your wallet.


7. Olde English 800

We wuz…

If you’re looking to value-shop this MLK day, reach for a few brown paper bags of this ghetto classic.


8. Lean/Purple Drank/Sizzurp

Elixir of the Nogs

While consuming this requires a slight lowering of one’s time preference, preparing this concoction is sure to pay off. Maybe with a good high, maybe with jail time, maybe with a little of each!

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About the author: Having already served as the nineteenth President of the United Hates of Amerikkka, Rutherford spends most his time pursuing his true passions: hard-hitting journalism and cheeses. The more fragrant, the better. On both counts.