8 Spells from Harry Potter and the Coming Race War That You Can’t Wait to Cast

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Rumors have long swirled that J. K. Rowling has penned a final chapter for the Harry Potter book and movie series. We here at BuzzFash got a sneak preview, and just had to share these new bits of magic coming to a black-lady-whoopin’-and-hollerin’ theater near you!

 

1. Negresce!

Do you and your crew plan to infiltrate the next Black Lives Matter march? If so, be sure to cast this enchantment on yourselves first. It turns you black for a day, which will make gathering intel on the rowdy Ungratefuls easier than picking clean a cotton burr. However, be warned, as the attendant drop in IQ may hamper any complex strategy you’ve thought up.

2. Tortilla Obfuscanda

Similar to the camouflaging effect of Negresce, this charm will allow you to go undercover with La Raza, MEChA, or the kitchen staff at your local Chinese restaurant. Be sure to bring stimulants, though, as one side effect is getting verrrry sleeeeepy, señor.

3. In Geno Veritas

Unsure where a potential ally falls on the scale of “human” to Human? Look no further than this spell, which produces an immediate, free, and saliva-less report of the bewitched’s ancestry. And don’t worry, as this does not add extraneous negro DNA to “fuck with you racists”.

4. Alba Superbia

Surrounded by self-hating White cucks? Cast this incantation to dispel all White guilt within 1,000 yards. May have the side effect of an impromptu tiki torch rally.

5. Santorum Maximum

Are you and the waifu a little behind on replenishing the White race? Employ this conjuration to multiply your offspring by a factor of 10. We need soldiers. You can provide them.

6. Fedora Oblangata

Most of /ourguys’/ hearts are in the right place, but sometimes their heads are not. This bit of sorcery will turn any smol brain nibba into a big brain nibba for 12 hours. Best cast before rallies and YouTube LiveStreams.

7. Non Virgo Virgator

Put this hocus pocus to good use in a crowd of harpies, feministas, and other sundry unruly women. It uses a disembodied hand and stick to patrol all thots within 20 feet. Good waifus are immune to this spell, so feel free to use liberally.

8. Iudeos Expulsos

One of the oldest whammies in European history, this expels all jews in a 100 mile radius. Suggested settings for deployment: Brooklyn, Palm Springs, and your local university.

 

Has JKR forgotten any magical spells that will come in handy during RaHoWa? Chime in below to let us know!

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About the author: Having already served as the nineteenth President of the United Hates of Amerikkka, Rutherford spends most his time pursuing his true passions: hard-hitting journalism and cheeses. The more fragrant, the better. On both counts.