5 Must-Happen Alt-Right Social Events for 2018

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While the Alt Right is a (meta)political movement, and IRL events focus mostly on activism, a few well-placed social affairs will help unite our goys as much as a well-placed tiki torch.

 

The following are the top 5 events we would love to see materialize in the Current Year. Disclaimer: None of these events have been planned or organized. Yet. We here at BuzzFash produce the listicles, and then we pass the torch to you.

1. Eiskrieg MMXVIII

All the violence of a classic hockey game, without having to follow the puck.

Have you got an intra-movement vendetta you’re looking to settle this year? Beef here, make up, and fight together for the rest of the year. All we need is a rented out hockey rink or a sufficiently frozen pond, some gear, and of course, plenty hold-harmless agreements. I wonder if Kyle Bristow has any experience drafting these.

Suggested season: Winter. Obv.

 

2. Blue vs Gray Dodgeball Battle at Gettysburg

Johnny Reb and Billy Yank will once again fight to the end at Gettysburg, and then drink together after.

Will the South rise again? Or will the Union Machine replay its destruction of the Righteous Rebels? If one were to get a permit for a “family reunion” on the blood-sacralized battlefield, we can find out.

Suggested season: Spring.

 

3. Black Sun Solympics and Bonfire

Games of skill, feats of strength, and a big, beautiful bonfire.

First, we consume adult beverages all day (in moderation), while competing on lifting, sprinting, quoits, and whatever other Kämpfe our Nietzschean White brains can devise. Then, let’s build a bonfire with the equivalent of somewhere between 1,488 and 6 million tiki torches.

Suggested (well, mandatory) season: Early Summer.

 

4. Croquet Invitational Tournament

The only thing Whiter than the attendees will be the sweater vests.

Mallets. Wickets. Cocktails. Bragging rights. Enjoy all of the above and more. Sure, we’d need a large lawn space, barrels of liquor, and a set of prizes for the victors, but that’s what entry and attendance fees are for.

Suggested season: Late Summer.

 

5. Become Who We Aren’t Halloween Masquerade

While masks are the traditional guise, blackface will also be permitted.

Want to attend at least one of these shindigs this year, but worried about doxxing? This is for you. And none of that Eyes Wide Shut creepiness will be tolerated. We’re not Podesta-ites. Entry requirements should include a nominal fee to cover costs, as well as a date. #NoSausageFest

Suggested season: Autumn. (Preferably in the same area and weekend as where/when we Become Who We Are).

If we missed any must-have events, let us know in the comments or on our Twitter!

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About the author: Having already served as the nineteenth President of the United Hates of Amerikkka, Rutherford spends most his time pursuing his true passions: hard-hitting journalism and cheeses. The more fragrant, the better. On both counts.