As 2017 draws to a close after vigorous fighting against the many armed beast that is Judeo-Globalism, it behooves us to look back upon the glorious occasions of yesteryear in order to be inspired for even bigger clashes in 2018. The following list include some of our greatest pranks to date.
1. 70 A.D. The Jerusalem Juke
If you look closely there’s an inscription at the base saying: “All proceeds generously donated by dead Judeans.”
While Vespasian was returning to Rome to claim the purple, our homeboy Titus Flavius was left with the task of smacking some sense into the upstart Jews. He used his 70,000 men to besiege Jerusalem and while preparing to take down the second wall, noticed that jews were using fire to thwart his advance. Returning the favor, he decided to torch an apartment next to the Jewish Temple, and thanks to the efforts of Zealots and Sicarii who fanned the flames, it swiftly caught fire and devastated the city. According to Jewish scholars, about one million jews perished in the misunderstanding, however Titus had the wherewithal to loot the temple before it was lost in the inferno, taking with him untold riches as a gift to his father.
Unfortunately, he also caught a savage thirst for the Khazar milkers while in Judea and so ended up with a shouting yenta thirteen years his senior along with his epic spoils. F.
2. 325 A.D. Constantine’s Easter Antics
In this year, Constantine changed the celebration of Easter on the calendar so that it did not coincide with the Jewish Passover.Ha!
3. 379 A.D. The Bashing Bishops
St John Chrysostom. Truly a big brained nibba.
Back in the day, bishops used to be total chads, and would mock beta jews relentlessly. One such instance is the vicious writings of my homeboys St. John Chrysostom and St. Ambrose who delivered the following burn:
The Jews are the most worthless of all men. They are lecherous, greedy, rapacious. They are perfidious murderers of Christ. They worship the Devil. Their religion is a sickness. The Jews are the odious assassins of Christ and for killing God there is no expiation possible, no indulgence or pardon. Christians may never cease vengeance, and the Jew must live in servitude forever. God always hated the Jews. It is essential that all Christians hate them.
4. 1215 A.D. Kike Couture
As illustrated by this fine tribesman wearing the golden circle and clasping his moneybag tightly.
Based Pope Innocent III (who, as the name indicates, is the third pope who did nothing wrong) decided he was fed up with Jews pretending to be White and decided that all Jews had to wear distinguishable dress, thus making him the original inventor of the echo meme. What was considered “distinguishing dress” varied from time to time and place to place, but most commonly it was by wearing a gold ring, or affixing a golden circle to their cloak, to indicate their Kikular nature.
5. 1096 A.D. The Crusader Caper
The Germans, having unleashed their inherent Chadness as they assembled to crusade holy lands, decided to check how big their gym gains had been by pranking some of their local jews. Often referred to as “The First Instance of Unforgettable Antisemitism”, the Teuton Tricksters roamed through the Holy Roman Empire, offering the jews baptism or beheadings. Most ended up Sans Caput.
6. 1348 A.D. Contagion Confusion
Picture related: Rattus Norvegicus, not to be confused with a Jew.
In this year, Jews were blamed for the onset of the Black Death, as local townsfolk had seen some long nosed beady eyed shapes hanging out suspiciously close to the towns water supply. This was later revealed to be a mishap, as the real culprit turned out to be the brown rat.
7. 1506 A.D. The Portuguese Put-on
Defenestration, now also available in Fabulous
It’s not often that you get to use ‘defenestration’ literally, however in 1506 after Lisbon was hit by some truth-bombs by Dominican preachers, over 4000 Jews were evacuated by means of window post haste.
8. 1544 A.D. Lutheran Larks.
The Talmud would retain its role as Worst Work of Fiction until the advent of Harry Potter.
Say whatever you want about Martin Luther, but his reformation finally put a stop to the idea of Jews as a “Chosen people”. In 1544, the ascendant protestants espoused ideas of Nationalism and anti-nosebergism which would lead to the seizure and burning of all Talmuds in their lands. Lol what a prank.
9. 1945 A.D. The Holo Hoax
Just kidding, this one didn’t happen.