If you have the fortune to have a 3D at home, you also have the misfortune of having to buy crap for her. Short of “Does this make me look fat?” there are few traps as dangerous as getting the wrong gift. Thankfully, we at Buzzfash stand ready to assist.
TFW no waifu? Might as well stick around – there are pics of lovely White women to illustrate the suggestions. Because why not.
You didn’t think this was going to be cheap, did you? At least jewelry is a safe bet, as women are turned on by shiny things that indicate their man has money. For the fashy waifu, consider ear crawler earrings or bangle bracelets; for the trad lady, a pendant necklace or pearl studs.
Women love to light candles. It makes them feel romantic and they cover up weird odors. Find some that smell girly but tolerable, and show off your aromatic taste.
3. Bath Bombs
No one knows where these things came from, but women can no longer take baths without them. They come in admittedly alluring smells and colors.
Your woman needs to be able to protect herself from criminal POC when you’re not around. Get her a small pistol that she can carry concealed, and teach her how to use it – including how to efficiently retrieve it from her purse. Sperg out amongst yourselves as to which model.
5. Concealed Carry Permit
Okay, you can’t put this in her stocking, but she needs it. Take the initiative to get her licensed to legally carry that brand new girly Glock in her bag.
As long as your forgetful woman’s Tile is linked via Bluetooth to her phone, she can locate wherever she stashed it (keychain, wallet, purse). If she gets mugged, you can track her Tile and beat the shit out of the beaner who robbed her. Neat.
7. Pocket Knife
She may not find this romantic, but you know best: what shows love better than enabling her to stab the motherfucker who tries to assault her? Show her how to safely open and close it.
8. Her Favorite Perfume
Do you like how she smells? Go see what perfume she wears and buy more of it. Bask in her affection.
9. Phone Case
Selecting a new case for her allows you the opportunity to assure it actually protects the expensive device within, while giving her a new look for her favorite toy.
10. Self Defense Classes
Sign her up for some Jewy-but-effective Krav Maga, or even just your standard “kick him in the nuts and yell” self-defense classes. In today’s clown world, a woman has to be prepared to physically defend herself. Teach her how to hurt someone.
11. European DNA Donation
Get her pregnant! All it costs is dinner, flowers, and a few minutes to help save the White race.
There’s probably some product your girl uses a ton of: lip balm, mascara, hand cream. Pay attention to her appearance and actions to see what that is, and buy more.
13. Chocolate Truffles
“Oh no, I’ll get fat!” she whines, eyes dilating, as she shoves a delicious morsel into her greedy mouth.
14. Gift Certificate
This is for a massage, facial, pedicure, wax, or something else super girly. We’re not talking $40 to Applebee’s, or $200 to Cabala’s that you expect back someday.
15. Chef’s Knife
A real woman will appreciate being gifted a high-end kitchen tool. Great kitchen knives are a must for the serious cook. Plus, you get to eat what she makes.
16. Fingerless Gloves
Women have a hard time finding gloves that fit their small hands, or are comfortable over their nails, or that allow them to use their phones. Fingerless gloves fix that.
17. Thick Socks
Women are always infuriatingly cold.
18. Framed Picture
She’ll melt if you go to the effort to find, print, and frame a great pic of the two of you as a couple, or your family if you’ve got one (double points if she looks better than you do).
19. Fancy Water Bottle
How did women survive before carrying water with them everywhere? Research high-quality water bottles so that she can move on from those disposable, half-consumed, crinkly water bottles she leaves all over the house and car.
20. Date IOU
This is admittedly kicking the can down the road, but your girl thirsts for quality time with you, so it’s acceptable. Put a note in her stocking telling her you’ll take her on a date of her choosing, and follow through with it. Don’t be grumpy about how much it costs.
Are we missing anything? Tweet at us: @Buzz89Fash