We all know about the Racist Uncle at Thanksgiving (he’s a great guy btw, if a bit prone to boomerposting). But have you met the Shitlib Aunt? She’s got three cats, no kids, lives in a two bed minimalist condo, and works in HR at a medium-sized corporation. Here’s a handy trigger guide.
1. If you’re a woman, tell her you want to be a housewife. If you’re a man, tell her you want a wife that stays at home.
2. The moment she mentions overpopulation, stress that it is a brown people problem.
3. If you have kids, fawn over them in her presence at every opportunity. Emphasize how meaningful your life has been since becoming a parent (it’s only the honest truth).
4. Even if you’re a cat person, make sure you say that doggos are better (they are).
5. Remind her she will die in a nursing home fed cat food by uppity negresses.
6. Ask how well her failed career has ‘fulfilled’ her.
7. Place a Ouija board over her stomach to try and communicate with all the babies she has killed (at least two abortions, guaranteed).
8. Enquire which coon island she will be flying to this February for some STD tourism.
9. Make a recurring donation in her name to the NRA.
10. We know every shitlib talking point inside-out. If the dinner table conversation does turn to politics, finish her statements for her.
This is not an exhaustive list, by any means. Tweet us @Buzz88Fash your ideas to make the lives of your Shitlib Aunts (Cousins, Step-mothers, etc.) not worth living.